Day 10 - Return to Horror High (1987)
Platform:
Borrowed from Hoopla.
Quote:
“Class dismissed!”
Synopsis:
The killer who murdered the students of Crippen High was very brought to justice. Now years later when a film crew uses the school as a location to film their movie about the murders, it starts happening again. George Clooney, and Maureen McCormick star (kinda) in this weird and wild film within a film.
Review:
Now because I’m going to get into some spoilers while discussing this one, I want to go ahead and give my recommendation upfront. That way you can get my recommendation now, read the quick paragraph that follows to get a brief rundown on the plot and discussion, and then move on.
Ok, this movie drove me nuts. But. I will say I had a good time watching it and yelling at the screen. So, I’m going to give this a recommendation, but only in the so-bad-you-have-to-see-it category. Grab a friend or two. Throw it on at a Halloween party, and have fun with just how absolutely ridiculous it is.
Local police show up to a gruesome murder scene at the school with bodies everywhere, and not all in one piece. After being told that there are multiple bodies and they’ve been butchered beyond the ability to piece together, we follow a cop walking through the halls of the school who stumbles into a scene that the film crew is shooting, and we learn that we’re actually in a flashback to before the second round of murders happened. Now I usually try to avoid spoilers, but this one film is soooooo fraggin’ insane that I have to talk about several of the events of the film to do it justice. So if you haven’t seen this, and you don’t want to know what happens, STOP READING NOW!!!
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Ok, you’ve been warned. So, these weird transition moments where we flashback and forth happen throughout the film. Sometimes, you’re flashing to the present as the police investigate the scene of the murder of the film crew. Sometimes, you’re flashing back to the film crew working on the movie. And sometimes, you flashback to what you think might possibly be what happened in the original murders but is actually just a scene being filmed by the crew as they make their movie about the original murders. I’ll go ahead and tell you right now, you NEVER actually have a flashback to the original murders. Every time, it’s just a scene being filmed by the crew. This would also be a good time to point out that this IS NOT A SEQUEL! Yes, there was a film called Horror High from the 1970s, but it has absolutely NOTHING to do with this movie. So back to one of the major talking points to this film.
Once we realize that the cop was actually walking into a scene being filmed by the crew, we are introduced to the sleaziest human being in existence in the form of the film’s producer who just wants to make money and leer at the women in the film. BUT, we’re also introduced to George Clooney in his first-ever film role! He’s an actor cast as a cop in the film, but he’s not long for this picture. Shortly after we’re introduced to his character, he gets a phone call from his agent about a TV role. He gleefully informs the producer that he’s out, and on to better things. On his way out though he gets distracted by a sound, goes to investigate, and then is subsequently murdered for his efforts. Now, I don’t like giving plot details like this away, but I have to bring this up here for a couple of reasons. First of all, for some reason, George Clooney was second-billed in the credits. Now the modern updated posters and boxes for this proudly proclaim Clooney as the star of the film because he went on to become a top-list celebrity, but the original credits still list Clooney second out of everyone. However, this was Clooney’s first film role; he was not a name other than the fact that he would have been the son of a famous actor. AND he’s the first on-screen kill of the movie. So why did he get such high billing? It’s not like they were pulling a Scream at this point in the ’80s where they kill off Drew Barrymore in the first 30 minutes. Just a weird move.
This would also be a good time to point out that every time you think you’re seeing death on screen, it turns out to be just a part of the film crew filming a scene. No one dies. Except for Clooney. So where are did all of these dead bodies come from that the cops are inspecting throughout the film, you ask? I’m getting there. Wait for it.
While all this is going, Maureen McCormick in the present is delivering one of the weirdest portrayals of a police officer ever. For some reason that is never even addressed (really not even acknowledged by anyone else in the movie), she is getting more and more aroused as she investigates the murder of the film crew. It’s crazy!
Beyond this point, the movie is just campy as all get out: exploding breasts, a weird monologue about the exploitation of women after walking through a locker room filled with naked women (one of whom is threatened to be thrown out in the hall naked if a girl won’t go out with a guy), an elaborate and bizarre scene in which a teacher gets dissected, an awkward love scene set to random welding, and one of the most over the top final villain confrontations I’ve ever seen. To top off all this weirdness between the bad acting, the back and forth time jumps, and the fake kills… it turns out that everything we just saw had nothing to do with the bodies that the real cops are investigating. At the end of the movie, everyone gets up and runs off as soon as the cops go into the school to check out a report about something found in the basement. It’s the film crew. The police have been investigating actors in stage makeup and prop body parts… AND THEY NEVER NOTICED!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?
... *Sigh*...
Again, all that being said, still a worthwhile watch for how insane it is. Also, I learned about this one thanks to one of my favorite podcasts: Horrible Horror. If you liked this, go give these guys a listen.
Horrible Horror Episode 18: Return to Horror High
You can also find them on any podcast platform.
Hoopla Breakdown: Hoopla is a digital borrowing service that many Ohio Libraries offer that allows patrons to borrow digital books, audiobooks, graphic novels, single issues of comic books, movies, and episodes of TV shows. You are provided with a set number of borrows each month. The amount varies by the library system. There are some limits on how many borrows that branch allows across its patrons each day, so it's better to try to get your borrows in early the morning of than it is the night before you plan to use them. This can also be an issue if you are looking to check out a TV Series because you have to borrow each episode individually. However, unlike other services, the items are always available. There is no hold system, waiting for other patrons to return their material before you get the title, or waiting for it to be delivered to your local branch for pick up. If you can find it, you can borrow it. Other benefits to this program are that you can stream directly over your data connection or wi-fi, or if you are concerned about saving data, you can download the material for offline access. The Hoopla app also has a casting feature so you can stream the title from your device to a larger screen using devices like Chromecast.
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